Baby it's cold outside!

Temperature this morning when I left the house was -12.5 degrees celcius (9.5 farenheit)and it's not supposed to warm up very much. I'm much colder now with 80+ pounds less on my body but have found that after my morning workout I'm warmer for a few hours. That's good incentive to get my rear out of bed and get on with it.

I've been out to far too many lunches and dinners to count over the last couple of weeks and although I had a game plan it's been challenging sticking to it. I've had some of the best wine and food ever and although I've been eating far less than I would have during the same time last year it's more than I should be eating. I've found it far too easy to say yes to the many tempting treats and they go down so easily. I hit a new low last week (212) but am up a pound this week. I don't think I'll hit my goal of getting into the ones by Christmas but I'm going to keep working on it. I will get there, it's just a matter of time.

There has been some interesting dialogue going on in the blogosphere, much of it has not been kind to the banded. Here's the thing, we are all trying to get healthier and for most of us that involves weight loss. There are many ways to accomplish that goal and we are doing what works for us. For the majority of people who choose gastric banding it is after in-depth research and conversations with medical professionals. It is not something that is entered into lightly and it may not be the best method for everyone.

I know that after losing and gaining weight for over half my life I wanted something that would provide long term results and this is working for me. We have all been successful at losing weight, it's the keeping it off part where many of us struggle. We know the stats; it is very difficult for dieters to maintain their weight loss in the long term. Those that are able to maintain their losses are the fortunate few rather than the norm. How many of us have sworn that we would never regain after a successful diet attempt? I know that I did. The most that I lost on a diet was years ago on WW, about 55 pounds. A year later I had regained most of it, the following year I gained another 30+. I was 100% convinced when I made that vow after WW that I had this thing beat. The embarrassment of regaining plus more started the isolation. I didn't want anyone to see me and so began the self-imposed exile. I would start another diet, stick to it for a few weeks and give up. I have lost the most weight I ever have this year and I'm maintaining what I lose. This is a huge accomplishment and I know that I will reach my goal.

Long-term weight loss is hard regardless of how we do it. There is no best way and there is no prize for how quickly one loses. We need to be kind to ourselves and to each other.

Bit by bit

Weight today is 214, finally closer to 210 than 220 and getting closer to my goal of being in the one's by Christmas.

I was at a dinner party last night and wore a pair of size 14 Gap pants from their new collection. I felt great and got lots of compliments. I hadn't seen some of the friends there since the beginning of this year and they were particularly vocal about my weight loss. As I told them it wasn't overnight, I've been working on this for 10 months - we sometimes forget, me included, that it takes time.  There was lots of good food and wine, but I stuck to my plan and had protein first, a little salad and a bit of cheese. I actually said no to both dessert and wine (!) and stuck with water. Lots more dinners and luncheons to attend in the up coming six weeks, hopefully they will all go as well as this one did.

Keep calm and carry on

I started my Christmas shopping last week as I am determined to have it all done by the end of this month. It makes December so much more pleasurable. I love everything about the holidays; the carols, family and friends, the decorations, church, the food...

The food. In the past, by this time of year I would have given up on whatever diet I was on, either because the weight loss had stalled or I had gained a few pounds. I would rationalize that "it's the holidays" I can eat, drink and be merry until the new year and start again.
This is the first year in a long time that I am not going to use the holidays as an excuse to eat with abandon regardless of the consequences. It's freaking me out a bit as there are already so many meals out that I cannot decline, not to mention all the cookies, chocolate and other goodies at the grocery store. I am developing an action plan to deal with all of this, the first being that none of those treats are coming into the house until just prior to entertaining. Any leftovers will be sent away with guests. Second, I am going to stick to the cardinal rule of protein first for all of those luncheons and dinners out. My challenge will be declining dessert, I'm hoping that I'll be full enough so that I can only have a bite or two or none at all. Third, I am going to make sure that I get my workouts in, no excuses allowed.

I plan to truly enjoy the holidays this year without feeling miserable about my weight for the the first time in a decade.

What is your action plan for the holidays?

Test

Just testing posting via iphone

Destination Onederland - week 2 results

Last week was a great week, until the weekend. I worked out all week, followed my eating plan and hit a new low of 215 on Friday.  I was out most of the weekend and didn't plan for meals away. I didn't eat a lot but didn't make the best choices, lots of sodium and not enough protein or water. Weight on Sunday was 217, just a blip along the way and I'm back on track. Still determined to hit onederland by Christmas or at least be pretty darned close!

Destination Onederland - Week 1 results

In my previous post I mentioned that getting back into the ones is a goal that has eluded me for over a decade. But not for long; I am determined to get there before Christmas. To that end I've buckled down.

Weight at start of "operation onederland" - 222.5 (All that grazing I mentioned a couple of posts ago resulted in a 2 pound gain)
End of week one weight - 217.5. My official weigh-in day is Sunday and it's been the same the last couple of days as well.

What I've been doing:

• Drinking 6 - 8 glasses of water
• Exercising at least 4 days a week for 30 minutes
• Keeping my calories between 1200 - 1500

If I'm hungry between meals I have a snack. usually a handful of almonds along with some greek yogurt or a luna bar or a few rice crisps with some cheese. Getting the water in really helps.

A potential stumbling block is all of the left-over Halloween candy that everyone (including me) brought to work. There are bowls and bowls of it. I know that I can't have just one, so I've bought some sugar-free mints and everytime I get the urge to have a "just a wee bit of candy" I have a mint.  Something about the minty-ness really takes away the craving for sweet.

An excerpt from my journal circa 2000

"I don't know when it happened, when I got lost or rather when I lost myself. I went for my yearly physical last Monday and according to the doctor's scale I weigh 210 pounds. When I saw the number I couldn't believe it. Part of me knew it was bad, but where, when, how? When did I give up on myself? I have lost sight of everything and I don't know how to find my way back. I do know that I have to lose this weight. I must, it cannot be good for my health and this is not me. I do take complete responsibility for gaining all of this weight, it was my doing. It is easier to keep sinking than to try and pull myself up, but no more it has to stop."
--------------------
I recently found some old journals and the above entry. When I had my first consultation for lap-band surgery, I weighed 295 pounds and at the start of my pre-op diet in January I was 292.5. It has taken me a while to find my way, but I truly believe that I have.
I weighed anywhere from 125 - 140 through most of my teens. Then things seemed to start spiraling out of control around me and I turned to food for comfort and stopped working out (I had always worked out). I gained weight very quickly; I moved from 130-something to 210 in less than  5 years. I haven't been out of the 2's since that physical in 2000.  I feel great about myself even though I weigh more than I did when I made that journal entry. It's amazing how the perspective changes. I know for some bloggers reaching the 1's has been anti-climatic, but for me it's been an elusive goal for over a decade. I finally believe and know that I will get there.

Vegas baby, Vegas!

It feels like I've been travelling none stop for the last  month or so. I was recently in Vegas and had a blast. It was a bit of a spontaneous trip and something I wouldn't have done pre-band. I stayed up late and got up early, got dressed up every night, ate some great food, had a few drinks... It felt good to feel good in my skin.  I'm still recovering from all the travelling and really want to focus on getting these 20 pounds off and hitting the 1's by mid to late December. In order to do that I need to refocus on meal planning and exercise. 

Lately I've been grazing a lot; eating far more chocolate that I have in many months and not paying any attention to my caloric intake. Interestingly, the scale hasn't moved. Every morning I step on it expecting a gain and it hasn't happened and because it hasn't I keep grazing. It has to stop. Tomorrow I'm going to run 5K and plan and shop for my meals for the week. I'm aiming for 2 pounds down this coming week. From now until the time I hit the one's I'm going to post how I do each week. It will help to keep me accountable and focused. Onwards and upwards!

Back to reality

I've been away for a while and finally have a chance to post. M and I headed south for a few weeks of R & R. We rented a villa on the beach and had a great time.

I had my good share of frozen watermelon margaritas (so yummy!) along with good food and dessert.It was tough the first couple of days to not be able to step on the scale, but I soon got over it. The band really helped me to limit my portions and I was only up 2 pounds when I came back which I've since lost plus a bit more to bring me to a new low. I'm determined to be in the ones by mid-December and I think that is totally attainable, I'm going to do my darndest to get there.

It sounds like the BOOBS event was a resounding success. I still have to catch up on all of the posts of those that attended plus all of your other posts!

Hope everyone is doing well and Happy Thanksgiving to my fellow Canadians.

BYOC Friday - a day late

Thank-you for your comments on my previous post. It's very easy to get caught up in the weight loss/rate of loss continuum. 

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BYOC

1. If a major newspaper wrote an article about you today, what would the headline be?

• 
  
  Managed to remain calm despite all the chaos around her. 

2. Name one thing you like about being an adult.

• 
  
    Being able to do whatever I want, whenever I want and not having to ask permission.

3. What was your favorite Saturday morning cartoon when you were a kid?

• 
  
  I loved the Smurfs. My sister, brother and I would get up early on Saturday and get our cereal ready for an hour and a half of entertainment. I thought Papa Smurf was so kind, but I had a special fondness for Gargamel and his cat Azrael.

4. When is the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt about them?

• One of my closest friends. We haven't seen each other in a while, most of it my doing and I sent her a note to let her know how much I miss her. Distance is a factor, but we're making plans to get together soon.

5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in life and in blogland.

• I've been working on increasing my running speed and it's been tough, really tough. I'm sticking with it though because I know this body of mine can handle it.
• I tend to work long days so don't get much time to post or to visit blogs during the week, but I try to keep up on my mobile phone. Unfortunately,  I can't view many of your blogs or comment that way but know that I'm cheering you all on.

Have a fabulous weekend!

Ramblings

The fill I got last week is really doing its job and I am now down 70 pounds. I haven't been doing my daily workouts this week as I've been battling a summer cold (those are the worst), but I've been keeping track of my calories. 1,200 or so seems to be the magic number. I'll bump it up a bit once I start working out again but it seems to be doing the trick.

I need exercise and really miss it when I don't. I'm not nearly as congested as I was a few days ago and plan to start running again tomorrow. I've set a goal of running my first 10K in the fall, just need to sign up.

I have been searching through photos to find some of me at my heaviest and so far no luck. I was really good at avoiding the camera. In the age of digital photography I aslo made sure that I deleted any that had me in them. I did save a couple of pairs of trousers from my heaviest and try them on occasionally when I need to remind myself that I am making progress. I would highly recommend it as it seems to make it more real - at least it does for me.

A couple of days ago I found the negative self-talk slipping in - some of the chatter: I should have lost more weight by now, I still have over sixty pounds to lose, why can't I just stick to 800 calories and exercise 2 hours a day and get it done ... and on and on it went. Then the voice of reason chimed in and reminded me that I have lost a significant amount of weight. That I am exercising. That I am living my life, I'm happier, more at peace with  myself and all the while I continue to lose.  Sometimes we need to be our own cheerleaders.

Fifth Fill

I finally bit the bullet and had my fifth fill yesterday. My last fill was almost 2 1/2 months ago and I had good restriction for maybe a month of that. I didn't want to get another fill because I was worried about being too tight. I also thought I could just do it on my own and stick to one cup of food. Uh, hello? Isn't that why I got the band? I've been able to eat pretty much everything and it's very difficult to exercise restraint when I was still hungry after my meals.

My clinic doesn't tell me how much of  a fill they're giving or how much I have in my band because they've found that people get fixated on the number. I have a pretty good idea though as I've been keeping track and can figure it out based on how much liquid is in the syringe (aren't I clever ;)). I'm somewhere between 6.75 & 7ccs in my 10 cc band. I'm already feeling the difference.

Have a fantastic weekend!

Half-way there

I didn't realize until today that I'm half-way to my goal. I've been too busy eating and not exercising to notice. After my last post where I said I was going get stricter with my eating plan and exercise I've done the absolute opposite. The interesting thing is that the scale is actually moving down, but I know it won't remain that way if I keep this up. I've signed up for some spin classes with the first one on Saturday. The last time I took a class was a few years ago. I'm looking forward to it but not how sore my tush and the rest of me will be.

I want to but I don't want to

First, thanks for your posts re my food poisoning. I’m feeling like myself again. I just wish the darn hair loss would stop *sigh*.

I’m picking up on a theme  Amy over at  Babbles of a Bandster started. I’ve actually been thinking about this for a few weeks now after reviewing my weight loss stats and how I’ve been progressing over the last 6 months. Based on my review, it takes me about six weeks to lose 10 pounds; the last ten pound increment took me almost 8 weeks.

Note: I am happy with all the weight that I’ve lost. I’ve never been able to lose this much in any of my past attempts. It hasn’t been fast but I’m maintaining what I lose, I may bounce around a pound or two but I don't worry about it.. Having said all that, I know that I could be losing much faster if I changed some things. Those changes would mean working out 5 – 6 days a week instead of 3, keeping track of calories and forgoing the treats. I want to, but I don’t want to. Why? Because so far it’s been relatively easy. I have made changes to my diet, I move far more than I used to and the band does its job by helping to limit my portion sizes. Of course I’ve had my moments of frustration but overall it hasn’t been hard. I’ve been absolutely miserable in the past when I’ve tried to stick to a strict regime and I don’t want to relive that kind of experience. I do however want to pick up the pace. As I type this I think that I need to makes those changes I mentioned. I feel like I’m getting into a bit of a rut and seeing steady losses will help keep me motivated to push on. I’ll keep you all posted on how it goes, I may set up a separate page on my blog for this “get my rear in gear” plan.

I'm on the disabled list

To borrow a baseball term. I had a bout of food poisoning a few days ago and it was just awful. I haven't worked out all week and frankly I haven't had the strength to. Not eating can do that to you. The interesting thing is that as sick I was I didn't throw up at all. During my research pre-band some people mentioned that they've found they don't after being banded. I was very nauseous and  knew I would feel a whole lot better if I was able to, but no dice. I spent quite a bit of time on the loo. Enough said.

Hope everyone is doing well. I think I'm going to be out of commission for a few more days. I'm trying to catch up and comment on your blogs, it's hard to keep up!

Turkey Chili Recipe

This recipe is a staple in my household. I've experimented with it quite a bit and like this combination best. Chocked full of protein and  fibre it hits the spot.  Although the dietician at my clinic considers chili to be a slider food it works well for me and keeps me satisfied for hours. Enjoy!

Makes approximately 8, one cup servings. Freezes well.


1 tbl. Vegetable oil
1 medium onion chopped
2 stalks celery, diced
1/2 kg or 1 pound ground turkey
¼ cup tomato paste
1 28 oz can plum tomatoes - use the no salt added kind. I use a hand blender to make to crush tomatoes a bit, for a chunky mixture. You can also used crushed tomatoes but I like the consistency of the chunky mixture better.
1 19 oz can black beans (rinsed and drained)
1 19 oz can kidney beans (rinsed and drained)
2-3 tbl. fresh chopped parsley or 1 ½ tsp of dry
1 tsp Italian seasoning
1 tsp oregano
1 tbl fennel seeds
1 tsp cayenne pepper
1 tsp chili pepper
1 tsp crushed chili flakes (optional & adjust to make spicier)
2 tsp unsweetened cocoa powder or alternatively 1 tbl sugar
1  - 1 & 1/2 cups of water.

• In large pot heat oil, add onions and sauté until translucent (approx 2 minutes) stir frequently. Add celery. Add ground turkey, cook until brown. Be sure to break up chunks so that meat is evenly crumbled.
• Add tomato paste, crushed tomatoes, black beans and kidney beans. Stir. Add parsley, Italian seasoning, oregano, fennel seeds, chili pepper, cayenne pepper, and chili flakes (if using).
• Add water to thin mixture a bit. Stir and cover. Simmer on low heat for 30- 45 minutes.
• Add unsweetened cocoa powder or 1 tbl sugar, adjust spices if needed.
• Simmer for 15 additional minutes.

Some of my favourite snacks

The dietician at my clinic recommends eating every 3 hours to keep the metabolism fires stoked. It's surprisingly hard to do, I'm often not hungry or get too busy and forget. I have been trying to stick to it lately though to try and get past the 2 pounds that I've been losing and gaining for a couple of weeks now.

Here are some of my favourite snacks. (Note: some of these may only be available in Canada) 

This also comes in a vanilla flavour which is great on its own or with some fruit. Each serving (about 3/4 cup) has between 18 - 20 grams of protein and approx 110 - 120 calories.

One scoop of this protein powder contains 120 calories, 2 grams fat, 5 grams carbs and 20 grams of protein. I blend it with 1/2 cup milk, 1/2 cup water. It's very rich and chocolately. I just discovered they have a peanut butter chocolate flavour!! I'll have to give it a try.

    

These bars are great,  comes in a bunch of different flavours - Lemon Zest is one of my faves.  About 9 grams of protein per bar & approx. 180 cals. Great when you want something sweet.

I have a couple of wedges of these with a few rice crisp crackers. The light version contains 50 cals per 2 wedges & 4 grams of protein.

These are another good grab and go snack. Gilly  also mentioned this one a while back.
They're a bit pricey here (I get them for $2.99/per) but sooo good. Strawberry Banana is one of my faves. About 140 calories and 14 grams of protein.

I either buy almonds in bulk at the health food store or the boxes that have 12 small cello packs. The cello packs are an easy grab and go,  each pack  contains 100 calories and contains 4 grams of protein.

Letting go and moving on

For weeks now I have had piles of clothing set aside to donate to a number of charities but couldn't bring myself to part with them. I have no idea why it was so hard to get them out the door; I tried explaining it to M and he couldn't understand why I wasn't ecstatic that so much of my wardrobe no longer fit. I was a bundle of mixed emotions; I loved many of those pieces and felt good when I wore them. I also felt sad for the girl who wore those clothes. Worried that I might need them again some day and also kind of happy that they no longer fit. I finally got the bags out of the house this weekend. My closet is now filled with lots of empty hangers and the pickings are slim. I love clothes and quality pieces but I don't want to spend a lot right now. I want to save the big spend for when I hit goal. My current rule is to only buy items on sale and I try to buy pieces that are versatile enough for work and socializing.

While I've been wrestling with letting go of the clothing, the scale has been bouncing around. I haven't been making the best food choices recently and all the socializing has brought some additional pressure. Whether accurate or not it feels like everyone is paying attention to how much I eat and I feel pressure to eat more that I really should. No one knows about the band except M and I am still not ready to discuss it. I get lots of compliments on the weight loss (which I am enjoying) and friends and family know that I have changed my diet and started running. I will let them know the whole story eventually, but not just yet.

I need to focus on losing the 15 pounds I want to lose by the end of August. I'm going to start logging my food and planning my meals again. I do better when I do these things, I just don't like doing them. It's a necessity at this point though otherwise I'll just keep gaining and losing the same two pounds.

Sixty!

Officially down 60 pounds!  Hope everyone is having a great week!

Sunny Days

We're having a great stretch of weather in Toronto and I've been making the most of it.  I lost my cell phone today and the person who found it was kind enough to turn it into security at the building where I had dropped it. Given that I had no idea where I had lost I wasn't even sure where to start looking. It was so good to get a call at home with the message that my phone had been found. Aren't people great?

After all my whinging about the scale, I stepped on yesterday and I was down 2.5 pounds. It was the same this morning so I'm taking it as a real loss. All feels right in my little neck of the woods. 

Hope whatever you're doing this weekend brings you happiness. 

And the beat goes on

It's been a crazy week work wise and I've been in a bit of a funk. I also seem be at odds with the scale. After hitting a new low it's bounced around over the last couple of weeks, some days it's down and others up. I know that I'll get through it, but it can be tough. Now that I've finished the Couch to 5K program I've set my sights on running 10K. I'm also seriously thinking about getting a gym membership. I like running and I have a few workout DVDs that I use, but I need to mix things up and start doing some weight training. I hesitate though as I have many memberships that went by the wayside after a month or two.

I didn't get myself a reward when I hit the 50 pound mark so I've decided that when I reach my next big goal of 75 down I'm going to get myself something in a little blue box. A tangible momento to celebrate how far I've come when the scale and I are on the outs.

Be running up that road, be running up that hill...

I love music, all genres, and songs are always running through my head. I recently heard Placebo's cover of the Kate Bush original. Love Kate, I remember being a kid and seeing one of her videos and being blown away by her; she was so dramatic. And her videos were so creative - little four minute movies.

I've been sticking to my running program and some days are really tough. I have to talk myself through each minute and my legs feel like cinder blocks, other days I feel like I'm flying. Mentally I know my body can do it, it's just convincing my head to stick with it. As with the band so much of the work is mental - is it hunger? boredom? stress? When I'm running and I start thinking I need to stop, that  I can't possibly run another minute I mentally evaluate how each part of my body feels. 99% of the time I know that my feet can keep going and I just have to turn off the chatter in my head. Sometimes it all begins even before I even take that first step.  Off I go for this morning's run.

Hair, Hair, everywhere

I foolishly thought that I would escape the hair loss often associated with WLS. It started a few weeks ago around the 4 month post surgery mark and since then I've been losing lots. I'm worried each time I wash, comb or brush my hair and I just want it to stop. I've been diligent about taking a chewable multi-vitamin along with B-12 daily since surgery. In the last couple of weeks I've also added Biotin to the mix in hope that it will aid in slowing or stalling the hair loss. I think I've been consuming enough protein but I'll pay more attention to how many grams I'm eating in a day. I've also heard that Nioxin is supposed to help, at this point I'll try anything. I'll pick some up this weekend and report back in a few weeks.

I got a small fill a couple of days ago, my fourth. I'm hoping that it gets me back to the spot where I'm not thinking about food between meals and a cup to a cup and a half keeps me satisfied.

Still working on regaining my focus

Last week was the first that people started commenting on how much weight I've lost. For a while there I thought isn't anyone noticing? Can't somebody say something? Well it started with my parents' neighbour,  and since then everyone seems to be noticing. I like the compliments, they don't make me uncomfortable but I've also found that I seem to have taken all the praise as license to eat and eat far more than I should.

I have a fill booked for next Tuesday and I've been pushing myself to finish the final week of couch to 5K. There's no way in heck I can run 5K in 30 mins at this point but I can run 5K at my own pace.  I just need to start making better food choices, chocolate covered digestives is not the best snack option. I've been pretty good about following  the 90 /10 eating rule,  but lately it's been more like the 20 good /70 poor rule.

Onwards and upwards!

I've had my fun ... Now it's time to refocus

After hitting 51 pounds down about a week and a half ago it feels like I've been going to town on food and wine. I had also been studying for an industry certification exam for a few months now and I took the exam a few days ago and passed (what a relief!). This also added to the feeling that I could relax and eat whatever I want. The only thing that has remained consistent is my workouts, but I've been kind of coasting on those too. Good news is I haven't gained any weight, bad news is I haven't lost any either.

I definitely need a fill, not a big one, but one to get me back to the spot where I'm not thinking about food between meals and satisfied with a cup to a cup and a half per meal. I've set a goal to be under 200 pounds by end of August, it's a bit of stretch as I've got 40 to lose to get there but I need the goals to keep me going. 

My action plan:

• Book a fill appointment.
• Get back to planning meals
• Kick my workouts up a notch or two

Thank-you for all the lovely comments re my last post. Hope everyone is doing well, I'm off to catch up on your blogs.

51!

Happy Friday everyone.

Just a quick post to report that I'm now down 51 pounds!! A great way to start off a Friday and this weekend will be a long weekend for us Canadians an even better way to kick it off.

Comparison pics are coming soon.  Hope everyone is having a great day!

A few of my favourite things...

I really don't have much to report so I thought I would do a series of posts on some of my favourite things. I went through a phase around the age of 9 or 10 where I would watch The Sound of Music almost every weekend.  I definitely know the words to all of the songs and probably the rest of the script too.

My favourite flower is the peony, just love it. When M and I move into our forever house (haven't found it yet) I will have to make sure that there is lots of outdoor space for planting rows and rows of these.

4 Months post surgery

Yesterday was exactly 4 months post surgery for me. I had set a target of 50 pounds down by that date but missed it by 1.5 pounds. I'm not upset about it because I know I will lose that pound and a half, it's just a matter of time.

So, what have I learned? How are things different from four months ago?

• Last year I was miserable, just really unhappy with myself and my inability to control my weight. I felt like I was spiralling out of control.  Now, I feel much more optimistic and in control. I've learned that food is not my enemy; I enjoy it and it nourishes my body.
• I'm learning to be kind to myself. No negative self-talk when I look in the mirror.
• This is still work in progress - the number on the scale will not dictate how I feel about myself. I've found that I lose steadily for a couple of weeks and then nothing for a week or two before I hit a new low. Prior to surgery, during my many weight loss attempts if the scale didn't register a loss or moved up I would become really frustrated and use it as license to eat whatever I wanted. Of course this always took me back to where I started pre-diet plus a few additional pounds for good measure.
• I am now making the effort to get out more and get together with friends. As my weight crept up I would find any excuse to decline invitations.
• I had forgotten that I like exercise. It does great things for my head and heart and of course the endorphins are pretty good too. In a few short days I will run my first 5K, something I never thought I would be able to do.
• I may not make the best food choices all of the time but I aim for good choices 90% of the time. It's not about perfection and I'm not on a diet.

Patience my pretty

Patience isn't my strong suit. Once I've made the decision that I want to do something I just forge ahead; it's not always the best way,  but I'm a work in progress. After a great drop on the scale last week there's been no movement this week. I'm still 2.5 pounds away from hitting the 50 pound mark at 4 months, May 14th. I'm coming around to the fact that I may not hit the goal and that's ok. I know I will get there, I'll just keep trudging along.

I'm on to week 8 of couch to 5k next week. Getting close to my running goal!

Where does the weight actually go?

Came across this neat video, thought it was interesting.

Week 7 - Take 2

I moved on to week 7 of the couch to 5k program last week - 3, 25 minute or 4km of running workouts. I couldn't quite finish 2 of the 3; workout 2 I stopped at 19 mins and workout 3 at 22 mins. I was fighting a low grade cold and combined with a fill probably wasn't getting enough food in to fuel my runs. So this week I'm back at it. I'm determined to get through those 2 sessions and move on to week 8. Just a couple of more weeks before I hit the 5K mark. I'm still wrapping my head around the fact that I can actually run 4km/or a couple of miles. Don't let your mind convince you that you can't do something, it all starts with trying.

Have a great week.

Third fill update

Update - I had my 3rd fill and finally feel some good restriction. I now have 5.25 ccs in my 10cc band. Stepped on the scale this morning and I'm now only 2.5 pounds!! away from the 50 pound goal that I set for myself by May 14th. Although I've dropped a few sizes and the scale indicates I've lost weight, I don't see any difference when I look in the mirror, not one ounce.

I've avoided the camera for the last few years so I don't have any photos at my heaviest, fortunately the clinic took a couple of photos the morning of surgery. Still sticking to the goal of posting pics with my 50 pound/4 month post-surgery post. I'll have to dust off the camera soon and take the plunge.

Fill #3 tomorrow

My 3rd fill is scheduled for tomorrow, looking forward to getting a bit more restriction. I've set a personal goal of 50 pounds down by May 14th, my 4 month post surgery date. I've got 5 pounds to go so should be able to do it. I'm working towards finally posting a few photos and will add that to the list of things to do when I hit the 50 pound mark. Yikes!

Forgiveness

I recently attended a support group session that was hosted by the clinic where I had my surgery. The focus was on finding healthier ways to heal your heart rather than turning to food to feel good about yourself. It was a really good session, very thought provoking.

I've been replaying something the doctor touched on. In order to heal our hearts we have to forgive ourselves and what may have happened in the past. Someone in the group mentioned that she has a very hard time forgiving. According to the doctor and these were her words - as twisted as it may sound we are get something from holding on, from not being able to let go or forgive. I've been asking myself ever since; what have I been holding on to and what am I getting from it? Although I've been thinking about it, I haven't been able to answer the question or rather I'm not ready to answer the question. I'll keep working on it.

File under work out tunes

I completed week 6 of couch to 5k today with a 25 minute run. It's a bit of a mental game after the first 10 - 15 minutes, but I knew I could physically do it after last week's 20 minute run (thank-you for the encouraging comments!).  I try not to focus on the time too much while I'm running as some of those minutes seem to take forever to get through. Two things help me to get through it: 1) reminding myself that time marches on whether I'm running or standing still and 2) music. This is just a sample of my very eclectic taste.

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I'm running...

I did it, I actually ran for 20 minutes yesterday!!  The first 10 minutes weren't bad, but each minute got progressively harder. I kept telling myself I could do it, once I got to 15 minutes I knew I could run for 5 more and soon I was at 19 and used everything in me to push through that last minute. This is a huge accomplishment for me and makes me a bit teary. I was never a runner, I thought my body wasn't made for running and now I am actually doing it.  I'm on to week six of the couch to 5k program starting Monday and I'm  more confident than ever that I can reach my goal of running 5k. I'm already thinking ahead to 10k, but one running goal at a time.

If there is something that you've always wanted to do and thought you couldn't, I encourage you to try. It's the best feeling in the world discovering you actually can!

Back to my regular routine

Phew! What a busy couple of weeks it has been. It's nice to be back home and sleeping in my own bed. Work has settled down a bit and I should be able to get caught up on all that's going on in blog land.

I did gain a few pounds while I was on the business trip but I've since lost them in the few days I've been home. Tomorrow is my first big run in the couch to 5k program -  the last workout of week 5 is a 20 minute run. Yesterday's C25K workout consisted of  two 8 minute runs with brisk walking in between. The second 8 minute run was really tough and I'm a bit anxious about tomorrow's workout. I'll report back on how I do.

Now,  on to getting caught up with all you lovely ladies and gents.

Have a great weekend!

I miss my scale

I'm currently on a business trip, living in a hotel for a week and feeling a bit lost without my daily weigh in. Eating out every meal has been challenging and I haven't always made the best choices especially when dining with colleagues. I've had some great meals though -- wine and dessert included but usually just a bite or 2 of dessert.

One thing I have managed to stick to is working out everyday and I've almost completed week 4 of the Couch to 5K program. Just one more session to get in. I hope that I haven't done too much damage weight wise by the time I get home on Sunday but I'm not going to stress too much about it.

I've got lots of blogs to catch up on but won't be able to do so until the weekend. I hope everyone is having a great week!

A bit of a makeover

I'm in the process of giving my blog a bit of a makeover to correspond with giving myself a bit of one. The site may be in a bit of flux over the next little while as I smooth out the rough edges.

I was shopping for a spring coat a couple of weeks ago and in a sea of black coats I found a red one that I quite liked. I almost always as a rule wear black, it's what I'm most comfortable wearing but I tried on the coat and loved the fit so I bought it. I feel happy when I wear it and everyone seems to like it on me. I think they're all a bit shocked that I'm wearing a bold colour. It has a nice simple collar and I wear it without the hood.

Second Fill

I had my second fill earlier today. In the four weeks since my first fill I've lost 9 pounds which is right in line with my goal of 2 per week. It helped put it in perspective for me as during these past weeks I thought that I wasn't doing well because the scale hadn't moved for a couple of my weekly weigh-ins.

I tried drinking the required water after the fill but it was a slow gurgle down and I was a little foamy which I knew would be a problem.  I spoke with the fill nurse and she removed 0.75ccs from the 2ccs she had given me. I don't mind being a little less aggressive with my fills if my weight loss is averaging where I want it to be. I'll be on a business trip all week next week and there will be lots of work meals involved. I don't want to be too restricted and have any pb episodes with my colleagues, not to mention that flying may also make the band tighter.  Overall I now have 4.25ccs in my 10cc band. If this fill is any indication I may hit my sweet spot soon (I hope so!).  I'm on full fluids today and mushies tomorrow then back to regular food on Thursday. I'm going to have to remember to eat slowly and chew, chew, chew.

Weekday Dish

Breakfast - Protein Shake - made with water,  tsp flax oil, 1/4 cup plain yogurt and vanilla protein powder

Snack - apple & 21g of cheddar cheese

Lunch - 1 cup homemade chili, half slice of whole rye bread

Snack - Luna Bar

Dinner - 2 egg Omelette + veggies & 3  turkey sausages. Discovered these grocery shopping a few days ago, quite yummy.

2 Shortbread cookies

Fluids - 6 glasses water, 3 cups plain green tea

Calorie Challenged

So I did it, following my last post, I created a FitDay account and started logging my food and exercise. According to Fitday I need to consume approximately 2,000 calories daily to lose 2 pounds a week. Huh? I eat closer to 1,000. I recall complaining about stalled weight loss over a month ago and at that time I bumped up my caloric intake to get things moving. I just haven't been as diligent lately. For the past few days I've been working to consume between 1,400 to 1,500 calories which has been surprisingly difficult. Trying to eat enough and drink enough water is a challenge; there just aren't enough hours! I follow the wait-at-least- half-hour-after-eating-before-drinking rule and find I still  have a few hundred calories more to go by evening. That I would have any difficulty eating enough is hilarious to me. It seems a bit wonky, but I'm going to stick with it for a week and see if this experiment moves me out of the plateau and in the right direction.

I noticed that I have some new followers, hello! Glad you could stop by. I think I'm following all of you, but if I've missed anyone please post your blog address in comments.

All quiet on the scale front

The scale has not moved in over two weeks and it's starting to annoy me.

I've been working out 5 to 6 days a week and have been sticking to 3 meals and one or 2 small snacks ... well, I was until earlier this week when I realized it didn't seem to matter what I ate. I've been out to dinner a couple of times, ate more that I should be able to,  but far less than I would have pre-band. I've also been eating chocolate covered digestives as a snack every day for the last few days, M took mercy on me and ate the rest of them (ahh, the sacrifices ;)).  I expected to be down at least a few pounds as I've really been challenging myself with the workouts but to no avail, the scale will not budge. I will have to start journaling my activity and food - ugh, really don't want to but I think at this point I've got to do something. My second fill is at the end of the month and I'm hoping some restriction will kick in.

Running

I used to be a bit of an exercise fiend back when I was a much thinner version of myself. I would often work out 2-3 hours a day and enjoyed it, very rarely did I think of it as a chore. It remained that way for a long time until I got into a terrible car accident. I walked away with minor bruises, but the car was totaled. It had a profound effect on me and I think that in part started my downward spiral into eating for comfort. I also stopped exercising and very quickly gained 20 pounds. It’s been a battle ever since.

My work out routine used to consist of the following: bike for an hour, then elliptical, step-mill or stair climber for an hour, ending with 45 minutes of weights and some stretching (a bit intense but I loved it). I was never a runner; I would admire runners and wish I could do the same. I don’t know why I never tried. Because running has always been a goal of mine, I started the Couch to 5K program this week. So far so good. To think that in approximately 9 weeks I will be able to run 5 km is just amazing to me.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

Weekday Dish

Last week Jen  suggested that we post what we eat one day per week.  The "Weekday Dish" post occurs on Thursdays and you can list either Wednesday's or Thursday's meals. Here's what I ate today:


30ml of Kéfir (part of my daily morning ritual)

Breakfast - Protein shake made with: water, 1/4 cup plain yogurt, 1tsp flaxseed oil & chocolate protein powder

Snack - 10 raw almonds

Lunch - 1 cup homemade turkey chili, 2 rye crisps

Snack - 1/2 Luna Bar (love the Lemon Zest flavour)

Dinner - Approx 3 -  4 oz of baked chicken breast stuffed with goat cheese (yummy), a few grilled veggies, a couple of forkfuls of rice. This was at a work function and I actually skipped the delicious looking bread, wine and dessert!!!! Glad I didn't have to regret what I ate later.

Fluids - throughout the day I alternated between water and plain green tea.

It can be about both ...

Leisure by W. H. Davies

WHAT is this life if, full of care,

We have no time to stand and stare?

No time to stand beneath the boughs,

And stare as long as sheep and cows

No time to see, when woods we pass,

Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass

No time to see, in broad daylight,

Streams full of stars, like skies at night

No time to turn at Beauty's glance,

And watch her feet, how they can dance

No time to wait till her mouth can

Enrich that smile her eyes began?

A poor life this if, full of care,

We have no time to stand and stare.

I had to memorize this poem when I was a child and it has always remained with me. It popped into my head today and I had to look it up to find the poet’s name.

Since the start of my journey with the band I’ve often had to tell myself that it is just that, a journey. Yes, I do have a destination, namely my goal weight but I can also celebrate accomplishments along the way. The irrational part of me wants all the weight off now, but in just less than two months I’ve made good strides. I’ve starting reaching out to some good friends I’d lost touch with, I’m working out again, I’ve surpassed my monthly weight loss goal and I am in generally much better spirits than I was a few months ago when the thought of having to lose over 100 pounds seemed so overwhelming and impossible to me. When I get to my goal, however long it takes, I want to be able to recall all the fun I had along the way.

34!

30 just sort of slipped by, but I'll take 34!  A few weeks ago I was complaining about the fact that the scale had stalled and  in fact seemed to be moving in the wrong direction.  Over the past couple of weeks I have been weighing myself regularly and making mental note of the number (which has been going down). For whatever reason I didn't want to believe it because I thought it would just shoot back up. Weird,  huh? When the number goes up it affects me far more than when it goes down. I realized yesterday that I'm now down 34 pounds and that I've met my second post-op goal!

It's a sunny day here in Toronto and above the freezing mark, yay! I plan to take full advantage of it.  I hope you're all having a great Saturday!

My first fill

I had my first fill last evening and like many others have said, it was very easy. I lifted my shirt,  the fill nurse found my port and injected the saline. I felt it when the needle went it, but it wasn't at all painful just a minor sensation. At my surgery centre they do not  let you know how much of a fill they give you because they have found that people start obsessing about the numbers. I would have liked to know just out of curiousity, but it's not that important to me (some people are up in arms about it). As long as some restriction kicks in, I'll be happy.

After the fill,  I had to sip a cup of water and wait 10 minuites before I could leave. If the water has any problems going down, the nurse is there to adjust the fill right away because if water doesn't go down then food certainly won't.

I'll be on full fluids today, mushies tomorrow and can go back to solids on the 3rd day. I guess I'll know in a few days if this fill has any effect.

The fill nurse also mentioned that there are no weight loss expectations between surgery and the first fill as the body is still healing and there is little to no restriction. Something to keep in mind for those that have been recently banded.

My meeting with the dietician

Wednesday’s meeting with the dietician went well. She praised the food choices I’ve been making and had suggestions on how to improve. Here are the paraphrased highlights with some of my thoughts included:

Eat every 3 hours - Important to keep the internal fires burning. She sees this as a must so I am going to have to make some adjustments. It will probably help with the hunger pangs as I tend to stretch the gap between meals to 4 ½ to 5 hours.

No soups, it’s a liquid that just slides through the pouch. My first reaction was Noooo! It makes sense, but soup is my go to at work. I like having something warm at lunch and it hits the spot. I am going to make a couple of chili variations as it’s a better option and add some salads with protein to the mix.

Eat protein first, then veg, then starch. I think many of us are familiar with the protein first rule, but her explanation really helped to make it click for me. Protein is the most complex and takes the longest to break down. If you eat it first it sits at the bottom of the pouch, the veg and starch (like sweet potato) then fall in after (not that simple but helps to paint the picture). It helps with satiety, falls through the pouch slowly and your body uses it bits at a time for energy.

Snacks should always include protein as well as complex carbs.

She mentioned that my surgeon recently attended a gastric band conference and it was mentioned that each bite should be chewed for one minute! It was found that those that followed this rule had little or no problems with stuck episodes or pb’ing. She did say that I didn’t have go to that far, but it’s really important to chew each bite at least 12 -15 times. This is one area that I need to work on.

Finally, my first fill is booked for next Tuesday. Yay! It feels like I have no restriction, I try to stick to the one cup rule and may stretch it to another ½ cup but even then I’m by no means full. And because I have no restriction I know that I haven't been chewing each bite thoroughly. I am going to concentrate on this for the next few days as I don't want to be suffering the consequences after the fill.

A friend and I are going to the National Home Show today. There will be lots of dream spaces including kitchens for me to ogle and I may spot some of the HGTV Canada hosts.

Have a great weekend!

Looks like I won’t have to resort to violence after all…

Last week I was complaining about the scale and I not being on friendly terms, in fact I was up 1.5 pounds. I haven’t been tracking calories, but did for a few days and on average I was consuming between 800 & 900; no wonder I was so darned hungry! I added a couple of snacks and some nuts increasing my calories to an average of between 1200 & 1400. Over the weekend I saw some movement down on the scale and as of this morning, the scale and I are friends again. Today is my official weigh-in day and I am down 3.5 pounds from last week!

I have an appointment with the dietician this week and part of that will be to determine how much of a first fill I’ll need. It will also be interesting to find out how many calories she thinks I should be consuming.

Beautiful Blogger Awards

Justine, author of  Adventures in Bandland nominated me for an award, thank-you Justine! We had surgery within a week of each other and I enjoy reading her blog.

Now, this is going to be a long post so you've been forewarned.

Here are the  instructions:
• Thank the person who nominated you for this award
• Copy the award and post it in your blog
• Link to the blog of the person who nominated you
• Tell seven interesting things about yourself
• Nominate seven bloggers
• Post links to the blogs of your nominees

Seven things about me

1) About 8 years ago I took a six week leave of absence from work and spent it living with a local family in Guatemala.  I attended Spanish School in the morning and did volunteer work in the afternoon. It was a great experience. By the time I left, my Spanish was pretty good, but I haven’t had the opportunity to use it much and although I still understand it, I have a hard time speaking it.

2) My degree is in Political Science with a focus on International Development which is part of the reason I wanted to learn Spanish. At some point in my life I intend to do longer term volunteer work in a developing country. I especially like the micro loans that many women have been able to receive. They’re doing amazing things all around the globe.

3) I love to travel. Last year M and I spent 3 weeks in Italy. Two days before we were to leave, the airline we had booked with declared bankruptcy and grounded all flights. It was a frantic 48 hours trying to make alternative arrangements, we ended up leaving a day later and coming back a day earlier. I think we enjoyed the trip even more as it almost didn’t happen.

4) In my late teens/early 20’s I had an eyebrow piercing. That was a decade ago and it was not at all common. I wasn’t prepared for the reaction many people had; lots of stares and comments. It made me feel very conspicuous which wasn’t my intention; I did it simply because I liked it. I eventually had to remove it as it started to keloid and I now have scar. To this day my mother laments the fact that I’ve “ruined” my face (the scar is very small). I also had my tongue pierced soon after the brow piercing and removed it during the interviews for my current job. I forgot to put it back in and that ended my affair with piercings.

5) My blog is the first time I’ve shared my real weight with anyone outside of my family physician. Even when I weighed 127 pounds I didn't feel thin and would fudge the numbers. If only I knew then what I know now. *sigh*

6) I love, love, love to read. I cannot resist buying books and my taste runs the gamut. I have a special love for the classics with Thomas Hardy as one of my forever favourites. While in the UK a few years ago, M and I spent a week in the town of Dorchester in Dorset (even lovelier than I had imagined) which Hardy refers to as Wessex in “The Mayor of Casterbridge”. That book was my introduction at 12 and I’ve read everything of his since.

7) I’m an intensely private person. Creating a blog was a big step for me and I’m glad that I did, I really enjoy being part of this community. Only M knows about my surgery, I may eventually let my immediate family and close friends know, but I’m nowhere near ready.

Now for seven blogs in no particular order:
Cara: She always provides encouragement and is a wonderful cheerleader for all of us and she's getting really close to goal.
Catherine: Was the first blog I found via LBT and I love reading about her shopping/dining/dating experiences.
Amy W: I think Amy's was the second blog I found. She's a ray of sunshine and has done an amazing job in just over a year.
Tully: Again, one of the first blogs I found (sensing a theme here?) and I love how open and honest she is. She's also done really well with the band and recently got her driver's license.
Nicole: Works the band and looks amazing.
Ashley: One of my first followers and was recently banded.
Tessie: Still awaiting a surgery date. She's remained positive while dealing with her insurance company but I'm frustrated for her. Give her a date already!

A BIG thank-you to all of the other bloggers out there. This journey is made easier travelling with all of you.

Have a great weekend!

Dear B., holding your breath while you step on me doesn’t make you weigh any less. Sincerely, scale.

How many of you do the same? It wasn’t even a conscious thing until I realized the other day that I do it every time I weigh myself.

Dear scale, please stop moving in the wrong direction. Sincerely, B.

Monday is weigh-in day and I was up a pound. Stepped on the scale this morning and I'm up another 1/2 a pound!! I don't like seeing the numbers go up instead of down. I've been getting hungrier every day but have been working hard to stick to 3 meals and one small protein snack.

I know that it's normal for weight fluctuations but it's frustrating nevertheless. I'm following the rules, measuring my portions, drinking lots of water and and yet I've gained. I've made the mental adjustment and am eating consistently better than I have in a long time, I would just like my body to keep up with my brain. I'm trying to be patient and I know that the scale will start moving in the right direction eventually but it's hard.

In six weeks I've saved how much?

Approximately $300 dollars!! This calculation is based on no longer buying breakfast and lunch at work everyday. On average I would spend $10/day, doesn't seem like a lot, but it adds up quickly. If I inlcude the take-out meals I used to have on the weekend it's probably double that.

Since the start of pre-op diet and continuing post surgery I've had breakfast at home every morning and taken my lunch to work. There's a deli in the building at work which is certainly convenient but it's nice being in control of what I eat and know exactly what's in it.

With the money I've been saving I've started a clothing fund for the things I'll need as I lose weight. Fortunately for me and much to M's chagrin I have a hard time parting with clothing. At one point I did donate many of the smaller sizes because I had given up hope of ever being able to fit into them again. I did hang on to things that I really loved in a range of sizes, but will still need to supplement.

It will be nice to have lots of shopping choices again. I've been limited to just a handful of stores that carry plus-sizes and it has been a challenge. There are more options in the US, but in Canada not so much. On many  shopping expeditions I often walk away empty handed. Who the heck designs that stuff anyway? Why can't they make more stylish, quality things in larger sizes? and no thanks, my pants do not need to be bedazzled.

Have a great weekend!

First Meal Out and The First 10%

First meal out was a success!

In my last post I mentioned that I was meeting up with a friend for lunch on Saturday and was a bit nervous about it as it was my first meal out since surgery. I checked out the menu online and selected my meal. I went with grilled portabella mushrooms, roasted red peppers and crumbled goat cheese on a bed of baby spinach with balsamic vinegar dressing on the side. It was yummy and easy to eat and because we were talking so much I could have small forkfuls and take my time between bites. It was great to see her and catch-up, we had a great time and have planned to try and see each other at least once a month.

I’m still fighting hunger in between meals and know that this will be the case for the next couple of weeks until my first fill. I’ve primarily stuck with either water or a hot mug of green tea. I try to avoid snacking because if I did I would end up grazing all day. I stick with 3 meals and have a bit of added protein in between if I’m really hungry. I usually have either ½ - ¾ cup of yogurt or cottage cheese or a couple of rye crisps with a bit of cream/goat cheese spread.

I think what has helped me the most is eliminating sugar. I have found that my cravings for sweets have been significantly diminished since pre-op. I try to stick with complex carbs and still haven’t had any bread. There were many bandsters that mentioned staying away from bread and I thought that was just not humanly possible for me. Six weeks later and can’t say that I really miss it. Strange, and maybe that will change but I’ll enjoy it while it lasts.

I’m less than 2 pounds away from losing 10% of my body weight. I didn’t set it as a written goal as I prefer to stick with 10 pound increments, but I know it is an important number. Studies have shown that losing 10% is enough to see changes in certain health indicators such as blood pressure, diabetes risk, and heart disease. Although I didn’t have any of the co-morbidities that others with over 100 pounds to lose may have, I was certainly on the road there if I didn’t make changes. I’m hoping to hit the 10% loss by this time next week.

Solids Part II and First Meal Out

Following my last post, I had my first solid meal for dinner Wednesday night. I ate slowly, had a small portion, chewed really well and it was delicious. I had to stop after my first couple of bites and tell myself to relax though, as it felt like I was going to get stuck. I think a big part of it was just me being nervous. Thank-you for your suggestions and encouragement on moving on to solids.

Since then I've had more solid meals and it is helping with the hunger but definitely not keeping me full for 4 hours. After dinner last night I was still hungry, but waited an hour and had 2 pieces of dried apricots. I had to work hard not to eat anything else. I chatted with my parents on the phone and M came home early, both were great distractions and before I knew it, it was too late to eat anything else.  I don't get my first fill for another 2 weeks so it's going to be tough going, but if I could survive the pre-op diet I can deal with this. It will have to be my mantra until fill.

I am meeting up with a good friend of mine that I haven't seen in well over a year for lunch today. I've known her since we were freshmen at university (when I was still relatively thin). Over the years as my weight kept creeping up I would make excuses not to see her and after awhile she stopped trying. She has never had to worry about her weight and I just don't think she can relate to the struggle. One of my goals for this year is to reconnect with friends and I'm doing just that. I still have lots to lose but I don't have the hopeless feeling I  used to have about it,  I finally feel that I'm gaining control. I am going to check out the restaurant menu online and make my choices before we meet, she doesn't know about my band and I'm not ready to tell her.

Happy Saturday!

Solids

I am now technically in the solid phase post-op and have been allowed since the start of this week, but given my pb’ing experience last week I’m a bit nervous to move into that phase. I have a protein shake for breakfast because it’s what keeps me full until lunch and doesn’t require much prep time. I have some kind of home-made soup or chili for lunch and dinner and am careful to stick to one cup. Snacks are either yogurt or cottage cheese. I know that I need to relax and expand my eating horizons but I’m scared. Arggh!

I’m also getting hungry between meals and have been drinking lots of water to curb my hunger but that doesn’t quite hit the spot. My first fill appointment isn’t for another few weeks so I really should start eating more solid foods.

M is planning to make a French meal tonight with Poulet à la Basquaise (Basque Chicken) as the main course. He knows that I can eat solids and wants to make a nice meal to celebrate. Such a sweetie! I am just going to suck it up, eat slowly and enjoy a small portion.

Monday was my weigh-in day and I am now down 25 pounds since the start of pre-op on Jan 1. No way could I have done it on my own – thank you band! I know that I may gain a bit once I’m fully entrenched in solids so maybe that’s part of my reluctance to move on?

Note to self ... and an SV!

I made myself some mashed sweet potato and had it with 60 g of tuna for dinner last night. Four forkfuls later and nothing would else would go down, not a pleasant experience. I got through my first pb'ing episode after after a bit of trial and error. I thought a bit of water would help and it just made things worse. I've learned my lesson, I was trying to eat way too quickly and not chewing enough  -- a guaranteed recipe for disaster. After I got the offending bits up (sorry if TMI) I was able to enjoy the rest of my meal albeit at a much slower pace with smaller amounts at a time.

I had an SV this morning! I'm following a similar weigh-in routine  to Catherine and Cara  and I am now in the 260's. I've reached my second goal, yay me! Still a long way to go, but heading in the right direction.

I was planning to check out some treadmills while M is at work, but it's minus 18 degrees celcius here in Toronto (about 1 Farenheit) and I'm not looking foward to facing the cold. It's still early so hoping it will warm up a few degrees.

Enjoy the weekend everyone!

Mushies!!

The photo above was this morning's breakfast. A scrambled egg and 1/2 jar of organic baby food (peach). I could almost wax poetic over it, can you tell I enjoyed it? I bought the miniature forks and spoons when I was in Japan a few years ago and they're quite handy for limiting how much food I can put in my mouth at a time.

I can eat anything as long as it's puréed;  what are/were some of your favourite mushy foods?

Mindful vs. Mindless Eating

While I was having my lunch-time meal of soup today I realized that during the past roughly 3 ½ weeks I have been eating with thought. In the past I ate when I was bored, stressed, angry, happy, unhappy, lonely, because the food was there, because I didn’t want it to go to waste, because I deserved a reward and just because. Very rarely was it driven by true hunger.

When I began the pre-op diet I was determined to follow it to the letter and it was tough in the beginning but I stuck with it. I looked forward to each meal and relished each one although I was having the same things day in and day out. It felt good eating things that were good for my body and for the most part unprocessed.

Post surgery I have been eating the same way. It takes me about half hour to finish my protein shake breakfast and I enjoy each mouthful. Lunch is soup and I take the half hour at work to enjoy each spoonful while I look out my office window rather than what I used to do -- gobble something down in between responding to emails and phone calls. Dinner is also soup and again I take the time to enjoy each spoonful. Tomorrow I get to move to purées and I plan to continue eating the same way. Part of it is dictated by the band; I can’t eat nearly as quickly as I used to and the other is that I appreciate every morsel now that I am eating much smaller portions.

Eating mindfully has made it easier; it is no longer being miserable over what I can’t have but rather enjoying what I can.

Scars

I finally removed the surgical steri strips and was happy to see that 3 of the total 4 incisions are very small, less than the diameter of a pencil.  Removal  really didn't hurt except for the incision near my port which is about 4 cm (1.5 in) in length. My incisions were sutured below the skin and glued. All have closed up nicely which allowed me to begin my treatment regime.  I began researching how to care for surgical scars a while back (I have a compulsive need to research  everything). The doc at my surgical centre recommended Bio-Oil which I've used  before. In my research however, I came across rosehip seed oil which is what I've started using. It is supposed to be good for minimizing scars and preventing the formation of keloids which is the thing I am  most concerned about. I've only been using it for a couple of days now so maybe in a month or two I'll be able to say more definitively that it's as good as it's touted to be.

I am now in the market for a treadmill (yes I'm researching that too :)) and M has started setting up a workout room for me, well both of  us. I've wasted many a gym membership in the past and don't want to go down that road again. I realize that working out at home is the best option for me right now. There are many yoga, dance and spin studios in the area which I will take advantage of once I get back in the exercise routine, but  I plan to ease into it slowly. After all it's a journey right? I'll have to confirm when I can actually start exercising again, but for right now I'm enjoying the leisurely strolls through my neighbourhood.