Letting go and moving on

For weeks now I have had piles of clothing set aside to donate to a number of charities but couldn't bring myself to part with them. I have no idea why it was so hard to get them out the door; I tried explaining it to M and he couldn't understand why I wasn't ecstatic that so much of my wardrobe no longer fit. I was a bundle of mixed emotions; I loved many of those pieces and felt good when I wore them. I also felt sad for the girl who wore those clothes. Worried that I might need them again some day and also kind of happy that they no longer fit. I finally got the bags out of the house this weekend. My closet is now filled with lots of empty hangers and the pickings are slim. I love clothes and quality pieces but I don't want to spend a lot right now. I want to save the big spend for when I hit goal. My current rule is to only buy items on sale and I try to buy pieces that are versatile enough for work and socializing.

While I've been wrestling with letting go of the clothing, the scale has been bouncing around. I haven't been making the best food choices recently and all the socializing has brought some additional pressure. Whether accurate or not it feels like everyone is paying attention to how much I eat and I feel pressure to eat more that I really should. No one knows about the band except M and I am still not ready to discuss it. I get lots of compliments on the weight loss (which I am enjoying) and friends and family know that I have changed my diet and started running. I will let them know the whole story eventually, but not just yet.

I need to focus on losing the 15 pounds I want to lose by the end of August. I'm going to start logging my food and planning my meals again. I do better when I do these things, I just don't like doing them. It's a necessity at this point though otherwise I'll just keep gaining and losing the same two pounds.