Day 13 pre-op diet and musings the night before surgery

I'm almost at the end of the final day of the pre-surgery diet and looking back it hasn't been that bad. I actually stuck with it although the first few days were pretty tough.

When I first began looking into lap-band surgery I was more curious than anything, then I learned the cost and thought I couldn't possibly spend that much on myself. Two years later and probably 30 or more pounds heavier, I know I'm making the right decision for me. Over the last decade, since my early 20's, I've probably gained close to 10 pounds every year. There have been various diet attempts along the way and I had some success, but nothing that I could ever maintain.

I began making excuses for not going out. I just felt embarrassed about my ever increasing weight and more so my inability to control it. Slowly, some friends stopped calling. I don't blame them, they probably thought I no longer wanted to spend time with them or no longer valued their friendships. I couldn't express it and embarrassment ruled. Looking back I know that they wouldn't have thought any less of me or loved me any less but most of my girlfriends are petite, small boned girls who've never struggled with weight. I didn't think they would be able to relate.

M has been with me through it all and loves me all the same, he wasn't sold on the idea of surgery at first but he's seen me struggle and knows that my weight has made me increasingly unhappy.

I was really upset on the drive home after my first surgery consult. I was just frustrated with myself. I have been successful in almost everything that I've tried, why then couldn't I just lose the weight on my own? I've accepted that I need help and the band is a tool that will do just that.

I'm looking forward to getting started tomorrow.

Day 13 weigh-in - 278.5