Accepting my limitations

I didn't accomplish any of the goals I set for September. I thought I would try again in October but the month is almost over and I have not been able to accomplish any. So I have to ask; am I setting myself up for failure? I'll return to that question later.

Over the last couple of months I have found myself falling back into pre surgery behaviour. I eat when I'm bored, lonely, upset, stressed etc. I also tell myself that I'll do better the next day to rationalize the poor food choices. It has become all or nothing. If I don't eat well, I continue to not eat well. If I don't exercise, I continue to not exercise.

At the beginning of this journey I was taking it one day at a time, I don't know how I managed to lose that mindset. It is scary how easy it is to fall back into those patterns that had me weighing almost 300 pounds. I've taken a couple of steps backward and gained about 3 - 4 pounds since setting my September goals. Maybe setting all those goals gave me an excuse to abandon them when i missed a workout or made poor choices for lunch or dinner.

I am going to take a different approach. I am going to go back to taking it one day at a time. I am not going to abandon my goals; hitting onederland is still very important to me. I am not going to use food to make myself feel better. I am going to let myself feel whatever I feel. In the moment, eating X may make me feel temporarily better but it doesn't last. And is only taking me further away from my goals. The only person I am punishing is myself and I should be treating this wonderful body of mine better.


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September goals - Week one wrap up

I did not do well at all last week. In fact I gained 1.5 pounds. I didn't log my food nor did I work out. Instead I ate like I was going into hibernation. Ridiculous.

I will do better this week. I will log my food everyday and post what I eat. I will do a 5k today after work.

I have to do the work required in order to get the results I want.


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September Goals

I'm still here, but been pretty quiet. I  have been bouncing around between 201 and 204 for what seems like forever. I keep saying it, but I really want to see a weight starting with one. I'm so close and yet onderland seems as elusive as ever. I would really like to reach my final goal by the middle of December which is a month before my two year post-surgery date. In order to do that I will have to regain and maintain my focus. I've decided to set goals at the beginning of each month for the remainder of the year. I think this will help to keep me on track. This month I will:

Journal what I eat each day
Work out at least 4 times a week
Lose ten pounds

So close!

I weighed in at 201.5 today! I'm so close to finally weighing something that begins with a one.  I know that for many hitting the onederland mark has been anti-climatic, but for me it's what I've been working towards for sooo long. When I began this journey back at 295 lbs it seemed almost impossible. For over a decade, through many failed diet attempts getting to 1__lbs was all I wanted and I never got there. This time I know that I will. Whether rightly or wrongly through all of this I have told myself that if I could get under 200 lbs then it will be a breeze hitting my final goal; I truly believe it and I don't plan to prove myself wrong. My short-term goal is to get to 199 by July 14th which will be exactly 18 months since surgery.

Staying the course

I was really optimistic the last time I posted that I would finally be in the one's in a few weeks time. No such luck. I've ramped up my workouts and have even joined the gym -- which surprisingly I'm really enjoying. Once I started weight training my weight jumped a few pounds and has remained around the same for much longer than I would like. The interesting thing is that I've dropped about 4% body fat in that same period so maybe there is something to the whole gaining muscle thing. I would really like to FINALLY see a weight starting with a one. Some days I just want to say to heck with it and stop thinking about diet and exercise, but I am going to stay the course. My spirit is already in the elusive "onederland" (I've got about 5 pounds to get there) but it appears that my body is going to have to be dragged kicking and screaming and I'm up for the fight.

Last week I had a bit of an epiphany which has helped me regain my focus. I haven't been blogging in a while because I really didn't have anything useful to say. I didn't want to complain about my lack of weight loss (over four months stalled!) because I knew I wasn't doing the work required to get the scale moving again. That is no longer the case. I'll write more when I hit the first goal I set for myself which should happen in about two weeks. Stay tuned!

I'm still here

Thank goodness February is here. January was not a good month (my position was eliminated at work). It's a strange spot to be in; I've never been without work and I realize now just how much of my identity was tied to my job. This in-between time is challenging, trying to find a balance between job searches and enjoying the time off. I am going to approach this month with much more optimism than the last and know that I will figure it out.

Through all of this my weight has remained pretty stable, it fluctuates up or down a pound or two. I haven't been making any effort to lose weight, but I really need to regain my focus. My goal before all of this happened was to get into the ones and it starts today. Back to working out consistently and eating sensibly.

I hope everyone is doing well.